Period.. Please!!

Ok let’s talk about that wonderful thing only women get to enjoy… a fucking period!!!

Am I writing this because that pleasant bitch decided to grace me with her presence.. clearly insert eye roll here

Now this is one of those topics that for god forsaken reason the world is terrified to talk about.. why you ask?!? Not a hot clue.. and it really shouldn’t be as it’s something that every single woman (biological woman I should be more specific) goes through at some point in their life.

Now if your a man, you might want to just totally skip this post as it’s probably not your cup of tea. And if your a woman who gets her period or a woman who use to get one but have now entered that wonderful world of menopause.. you will probably be sitting there agreeing with every word, maybe even laughing a little, unless your one of those lucky ones who don’t suffer at all (I despise your kind!)

Now I don’t know about all of you.. but Aunt Flo always seems to think it’s a great idea to just casually stroll in like a fucking freight train at what can only be described as the worst time ever! Traveling with no sign of a bathroom or place to stop, trying to “get busy”, or the start of a super important meeting.. and BOOM!!! No stopping her entrance!!

Or in the middle of night, and if your a lucky one who wakes up only to see what looks like the chainsaw massacre happened while you were sleeping.. because your welcome right?!

And that’s just the beginning.. we got a whole week of this shit to go yet!! Get your supplies of pads, tampons or period panties.. whatever works best for you! Or if you like me.. NONE!! Why you ask?! Because my body seems to think I should spend more money than humanly possible on feminine hygiene products and bleed like it’s going to a god damn blood bank!! Sitting in a meeting or an appointment that you can’t just get up go every hour to change things.. because yes that’s how often I have to! Might as well just put me in a damn diaper for a week!

Then you get the cramping, the bloating, the gas.. oh Lordy the gas!!.. nope don’t feel even the slightest bit sexy! Keep clear gents! It’s a week of a hormonal rampage! Want to talk? Try offering a treat first! But do it carefully, because we may just get right mad at the fact you offered me a snack… don’t you know I’m trying to lose weight?! You want me to get fat?!?!

It’s really just all the feelings, we can’t control them 🤷‍♀️.

Now if your really lucky you get the headaches. Oh the joys of these headaches. These can come in so many different types, but my favourite are the ones that hit you so hard and fast that you can't even function. Want to go for walk.. NOPE!! You can't walk because you get dizzy. Oh wanna wash dishes.. NOPE AGAIN!! You cant stand up long enough before you feel like you are going to throw up. Oh you simple want to just sit out in the living room.. WRONG AGAIN!! Bitch there's light in that living room, and the thought of being close to light makes your head want to tear itself off your body and play bowling with every pot and pan you have in your house... why because that would make a ton of noise and make your head feel even better.

Now by this point we might be at day 2 or 3 of this wonderful week. So by now you have probably murdered someone, or at least had thoughts about it. The cramps have not stopped, so you have had more baths, hot showers or heated packs on your lower abdomen than a a normal man could fathom. You have cleared out the pharmacy of all the medications they own that MIGHT help with the cramping, the bloating, the gas, the headaches, sometimes a fever.. oh the joys of this week, it really is just the week that keeps on giving isn't it?!?!

So after we have been doped up for almost a week on meds that we think work, we start to feel just so much better. Everything is starting to slow down, you aren't making so many trips to the washroom to change out your products. You think everything is all done, but then NOPE!! It was all pretend! It’s back, but just enough for you to not be able to wear nothing, and enough to piss you right the fuck off! And of course this spotting bullshit only happens for a day or 2.

Then FINALLY!!! It’s actually over, completely finished! You talk to your friends, spouse, family.. and all they do is give you a strange look because your all happy like everything is butterflies and rainbows, whereas a few days ago them just saying hi to you was like entering into the gates of hell!

You get to go back to regular life, but only for the next 3 weeks.. then it’s time to do it all over again. And there is a reason why only women get to enjoy this week.. because man cold is real.. could you imagine a man on a period… uh excuse me but OH FUCK NO THANK YOU!!!

Look I’m not saying they couldn’t handle getting a period.. but I am saying there is a reason it was given to women and not men.. I’ll leave that there!

And just in case your wondering.. I prefer snickers or carbs during that week (just in case you need to talk).

Until next time!

Kayla